Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
