I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
