oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
