Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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