I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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