if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
