I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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