What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
