GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
