Your tits are I can't wait for
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
