My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
