So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
