last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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