just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
