i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my shit smells like andre
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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