He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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