who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
