I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
