Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
