Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
