Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
