too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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