This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
