70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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