on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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