I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
