it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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