dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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