Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
