No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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