Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
