It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
