I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
