im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
