If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
