oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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