I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
