This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
