Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
