is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
