hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
