Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
