I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
