I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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