I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
