I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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