You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
