I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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