if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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