so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
